Adultish

Ish a suffix used to form adjectives from nouns, defined as “after the manner of”, “having characteristics of”.

I chose this week’s topic because I’ve notice that there’s a mentality with this current generation that lends to childlike tendencies with adult size egos. So therefore, the word “Adultiish” came to mind. Adultish is being stuck somewhere in between childhood and adulthood.

We live in a world that wants an instant pay day without the hard work that goes along with it. Very little was handed to my generation when we entered into adulthood. We earned our keep; therefore, we cherished our accomplishments. Social media lends a false perception to the current generation that success can happen overnight. Sure, there are several internet sensations for now, but where will they be in the next five years when they’re sense of style, brand, and personality doesn’t transcend over to the generation after them. Will their instant success be sustaining? Or will they be left with a life imagine now in ruins? When I grew up, being an adult was defined as standing on your own two feet. Working hard and earning your keep without handouts. Creating a stable environment for yourself and your family. We may not have had all the latest and greatest, but we had a sense of achievement because we worked for it. At the age of twenty-five I found myself back at home temporarily with my Mother with a one and a half-year-old. My mother taught me a very hard but valuable lesson at that age that catapulted me into true adulthood. She let me know right away that I needed to find a place for me and my child. I never let her know how I felt in regards to those words, but it was those words that took me from being “adultish” to being an adult.

I had to learn that the first part of adulthood is acceptance of your circumstance or situation and taking into account how you arrived there. Secondly, developing the ability to take control of your issue(s) and work to a solution without always involving another party for resolution. If every time you find yourself in a crisis, you are expecting a bail out from someone else’s stability, you are not adulting… you are adultish. I’m not saying that we can’t have people that are resources, but they should not be our solutions. God knows that as I transitioned, I needed assistance from time to time. The difference is, I didn’t have a sense of entitlement nor did I allow myself to get stuck there. My mother was right in telling me that I would have to find my own place. The truth of the matter is my mother lived in a one-bedroom, and one-bath apartment. Often times we don’t tell the entire story when we are looking for sympathy. Why should her world be turned upside down simply because I was now in a crisis? I was an adult and I needed to work through that situation on my own. Afterall, she did initially give me a place to stay. She just informed me that it couldn’t be a permanent solution. Fortunately, I never mention this to my mother nor anyone. I took it as a sign that I needed to get my stuff together. And that I did, with the help of God. By the time I actually got divorce, I had a different mindset in regards to my situation and my circumstance. I was well on my way to being an actual “ADULT”.

Becoming an adult is actually liberating if you allow it. Unfortunately, we live in times where people want to pick and choose what they will be an adult about. Resources should be available for guidance and in the presence of a true crisis, not at one’s leisure. After leaving home, I had no expectations for my parents to bail me out. Therefore, I had to make decisions based on factors that were in my control. Parents expect to raise and support children of certain ages in controlled environments. That’s the whole idea, they control the narrative so that the outcome works to everyone’s favor. As long as a parent is responsible for you legally and financially, they’re not only protecting your interest, they’re also protecting theirs. Being a parent, I’ve learned that this is one of the hardest things for young people to understand as they begin to grow in to the threshold from childhood to adulthood. It’s normal to begin to feel a sense of one’s individuality. In doing so, one must also understand that being an adult is more than having the ability to make your own choices. It’s also being able to bail yourself out and live with the results of those choices, whether they are good or bad.

This is where I see this generation and some others falling short. We want to have total control of the decisions we make, but we want others to be responsible for the fallout. It reminds me of the five foolish virgins that lamps were out with no oil when the bridegroom arrived. They in turn asked the five wise virgins to share their oil. What is clear in this parable that Jesus spoke is that the foolish virgins didn’t take the necessary actions to be prepared. Therefore, they wanted to capitalize on the five wise virgins’ oil who was ready to meet the bridegroom when he arrived. The moral of the parable is that they didn’t make it into the wedding due to their own unpreparedness. Being a responsible adult is being prepared and learning to trouble shoot situations as they present themselves. Whether you find yourself in a financial, relational, or spiritual crisis. You can take them all to God. Our first line of defense should be prayer. Prayer for wisdom and direction. God can put you in the path of the right people and resources. Adulting is also learning to use your resources wisely. We learn to make better choices when we work through our own crisis instead of always being bailed out. Individuals that receive constant bailout hardly ever learn and grow to make better choices. Romans 5:3-4 says And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also; knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience, and experience, hope. God allows some things to happen in our lives to grow us in these three areas. If we allow it, God can use our uncomfortable situations to move us closer to him and give us a testimony to share with others.

The thought I desire to leave is for one to determine if you, yourself, are “adulting” or are you “adultish”? We have to also ask ourselves if we are enabling someone in this area. While we are blessed to have greater resources to share and bless our children, grandchildren, family, and friends, we have to be mindful of how we use them. And more importantly, wisdom when to use them and wisdom when to pull back. We can’t always jump in as the banker, landlord, or God in every situation that we find others facing. We can be a resource to get them started or geared into the right direction. Adults shouldn’t find themselves constantly using people as “the source", neither should you allow it. People grow from their own experience. God is ultimately “THE SOURCE” we all should be turning to.

Take some time over a cup of tea this week and consider whether you find yourself in this blog or someone you may know. I pray this blog will resonate in the heart of someone. Let’s continue to pray together that God will help all of us and our love ones grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ so that we can be productive and Godly people in this present world.

Until next time… be good to yourselves…